Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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