The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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