If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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