It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
