i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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