Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
