I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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