There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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