i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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