The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
