I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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