guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
