The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
