I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
