I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
