I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Sponge bath it is.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
