first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize