made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
