Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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