DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize