we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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