Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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