Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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