i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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