i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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