check it out our google latitudes are spooning
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
