Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
