I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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