yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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