I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
