I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
