i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
