I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize