i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
