just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
