So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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