Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
