He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
only if we run a train.
done.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
