That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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