I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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