Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
