I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
