where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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