Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
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Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
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You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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