I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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