while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
