You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
