I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
