Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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