I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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