So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You are the jesus of drinking
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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