Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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