I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
