Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
