I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
