two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
