does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
