So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
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