dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
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Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
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The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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