I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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