I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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