Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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