Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
