how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
