toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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