im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
