They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
is it fun? or sober?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
