saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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