i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
