if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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