I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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