8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
