Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
