dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
